Legacy
Legacy
Please note: this post is 82 months old and The Cares Family is no longer operational. This post is shared for information only
I have always had a very close relationship with my Nan – now 90 and living on her own in Birmingham – and always wish that she had more friendships in her later years. After living alone for 20 years and having had many friends and family pass on, I’ve never felt it so important to maintain such a strong relationship with her, but of course, I know her situation is by no means unique. I therefore joined South London Cares’ Love Your Neighbour programme hoping that I could provide some reassurance for someone else’s older relative.
Now 7 months strong, 94-year-old Irene’s friendship is one of those I have come to cherish the most. Following an initial blind-date on a blisteringly cold evening of January this year, Irene’s weekly visit has become an integral part of my weekly routine, and something I look forward to more and more as time goes on and we now feel at such ease in each other’s company.
Like any good friends, we are comfortable to just hang out in front of the telly with continual chit-chat about often not a lot else than the ups and downs of our weeks. My news is often work related and hers based on the visitors she’s seen, news from her extensive family and often stories of days gone by which are my favourite. We share a love for sport, so World Cup matches and Wimbledon watching has been something that we have been able to share lately, often with our feet up and dinners on our laps!
Irene was born in Kennington and then lived in Chelsea during the war. She spent long nights in air raid shelters, one morning emerging to find her family home no longer there. It is humbling to learn first-hand from someone who has lived through and seen so much in this city yet doesn’t bat an eyelid at the hardships that were faced along the way. Now residing on the Southbank where I work, I keep her up-to-date with the ongoing changes of the locality now that she is unable to leave the flat and see them for herself. I also continue to try and explain what I actually do every day in my digital media profession – something which didn’t exist during her working lifetime.
Having grown up in the countryside, I have always known the majority of the village. Neighbourly generosity is the done thing, from feeding the cat while your neighbour’s on holiday to ferrying older residents to doctors’ appointments. In London that’s just not the same, and having lived in the same flat for the past 3 years I can’t say I know the name of a single neighbour or shared more than a few good morning interactions. This makes the facilitation of these close neighbourly relationships between young and old even more important in such a rapidly changing city where older residents can so easily get left behind. London is a big place, but also an isolating one – especially if you are unable to leave your flat alone such as Irene now is unable to.
Irene is easily now the friend I see most in my busy London life (and the most reliable!) and it’s a friendship I wouldn’t have missed for the world. If you have a spare hour or two a week, are looking to give support to someone’s older relative that you can’t for your own, or purely wanting to make another friend in the city then I couldn’t encourage you to reach out and show your interest more. At the least it’ll be a good chinwag and a cuppa a week, and at most may become one of your most cherished relationships.
After reading Steph's words, Irene was keen to add in her own thoughts about her friendship with Steph:
"2017 wasn't a very good year for me as my only siblings died within weeks of each other leaving me feeling very low. Then when my befriender returned to the USA to live I just couldn't find any enthusiasm to welcome another stranger into my home. Eventually I was persuaded to change my mind and I'm so pleased that I did. Steph is lovely and I enjoy listening to her telling me about her week and only hope I don't bore her to tears with the things I tell her! It's just so refreshing to know that there are some youngsters willing to give up their time to visit elderly people in the community."
If you'd like to get to know one of your older neighbours through the Love Your Neighbour programme, you can sign up here.